


Hairties (and how not to use them)

by Fictropes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Absolutely sillies, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:55:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26801002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: “Why would you do that? Let us settle in, nice and slow and— gently does it.”
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 18
Kudos: 59
Collections: Im-PROMPT-u Phandom Creator Challenge 2020





	Hairties (and how not to use them)

**Author's Note:**

> I PROMISE i don't think phil is dumb hntgrewre. i am just dumb and made myself giggle with this

“Why would you do that? Let us settle in, nice and slow and— gently does it.” 

“I like it hard.” Dan shrugs, mashing the buttons to ramp up the difficulty levels.

  
“Oh?” There’s a smirk in Phil’s voice— this obvious _you do, do you?_

_  
_ “You know I meant on the game. God, it’s been eleven years I think you’re well aware that I like it hard, in every sense.” Dan doesn’t even get this act anymore, this trying to catch each other out when they already know everything about each other— Phil just likes the illusion of winning. 

“Sure, whatever you say."

“I literally— and people think i’m the impossible one.” Phil bumps their shoulders together— with intent, with a motive, with a devious little plan in his evil little brain.

“I’m not going to lose cos you’re trying to start something.”

  
  
“Who says i’m trying to start something?”

  
  
“Your hand on my thigh says.” Because it’s there now, the one not holding the control, sitting pretty just above Dan’s knee. Phil’s good at this whole slow thing, this build up and— innocent, he’s spectacular at acting innocent, like he isn’t trying it on at all. 

“You’re reading into things.” But he’s budging closer, whispering the words right into Dan’s ear— _starting something._

“I’m just testing whether or not you actually do like it hard, it’s for— for my science project.” The hand is dragging up Dan’s leg, closer to— “if you agree to be a participant,of course.”

  
  
“Fuck you.” Dan chucks his controller off to the side, because he’s a sucker for Phil Lester and his stupid unsexy pick up lines. “Later. We’re playing it later.”

  
  
“Yeah.” Phil agrees— very unconvincingly. “Later.” 

-

“Fuck, fuck— Phil.” 

  
It hadn’t taken long at all, Phil’s hand on his thigh had become Phil’s hand shoved down the front of his joggers— spit on his palm, both too lazy to take it to the bedroom. “We should put some lube in-between the sofa cushions.” 

  
  
“Shutup, fuck. Just— keep doing that.” 

“Say please.”

  
  
“Please.”

  
  
“That’s not very hard, need to change up the difficulty level.” And the delicious twist of Phil’s wrist stops— everything stops. 

“What? Phil.” Dan feels like a fucking deflating balloon, he’d been so close to— to something amazing, the orgasm of the century. 

And maybe that was an exaggeration, but that’s what it had felt like and now it was all just— gone. “Phil.” 

“You’re the one who likes it hard, you made the rules.” Phil looks a bit fucked, blue swallowed up by black, bottom lip bitten raw and it’s amazing what eleven years and giving a hand job to your boyfriend can still do. 

“This isn’t— ugh.” Dan drops his head over the arm of the sofa, something telling him that’s he going to have to play along with this. “What do you want?”

  
  
“I think— I know, a cockring would make it hard.”

  
  
“Phil, we don’t own one.”

  
  
“Oh.” Phil frowns, once again entirely audible in tone alone. “Why?”

  
  
“I don't know, cos you’re not usually into cruel and unusual punishment.” And this is both of those things, Dan’s hard and Phil’s hand is literally right there and instead of getting Dan off he’s subjecting him to—to this. 

“Do you think a hair tie would have the samesort of.. thing? Do the like… stopping thing?” Phil asks— seriously. Those words leave his mouth, go out into the air and they just linger there, existing, being spoken— actually said out loud. 

“You want me to wrap a hair bobble around my dick? Like— a ponytail? A ponytail penis, is that what you want?” Dan asks, miraculously keeping a straight face. 

“No!” Now he sounds genuinely horrified. “I just like— wondered. I don’t know. I’ve never used one. They’re just sort of there in superdrug sometimes, figured anything vaguely round would work.”

“I think it would probably cut off circulation, straight up fall off. Your very own portable Dan Dick.” He nudges Phil with a socked toe, smiles when Phil just grabs it. Despite the unusual conversation topic theres still all this— softness. This completely inability to be anything but absolutely obsessed with each other. 

“I like your dick attached to your body.” 

  
  
“Same. The peeing aspect— and that.” 

  
  
Phil snorts, pushes Dan’s foot away in favour of— “Oh, you actually don’t like it.. hard.”

  
  
“Talking about my dick detaching sort of dampened my spirits, shall we say.” Phil’s got a hand back down his joggers and all Dan can think about is his dick tied up, swinging free from the back of his head like the worlds freakiest hair extensions.

“Then— I technically made it hard— right? I’m making sex hard, I win.” 

“Sure ok, Phil, you win, go get the Dan versus Phil board.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I can never ever write any serious smut in my life ever... so sowwy for this guys


End file.
